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.'Was he a good dancer?.....what was his nameagain?.....is he handsome?....Did he ask you for a date? The questions keptcoming as we smoked our cigarettes. Paige even jumped in about how some ofthe boys that asked me to dance were really cute. I felt like a young womanand not a young girl standing out there with Hilda and Paige.....3 womensmoking and talking about boys.We finished our cigarettes and went back inside the gymnasium. Paige told methat I was really lucky to have an aunt like Hilda.....I think she reallymeant it.I did get all the dances I wanted and stopped bossing Michael around earlyon. Most of the dances were fast dances because I think that was all theband knew. Michael is alright, but he is still very immature. Hilda saidthat girls grow up faster than boys.There was one boy who I danced with to one of the few slow dances theyplayed all night. His name was Thomas and he is 16. He is tall with a faircomplexion and dark eyes. We talked while we danced and I thought he. I could tell she resented me for the pain I caused. I deserved all of it, of course. But I couldn't take the thought of keeping her caged in unhappiness when she deserved to be someone's one and only. To be someone's dearest love and not just my "second choice." After I succumbed to my foolish weaknesses, our relationship became obsolete. There was nothing to try and save, no matter how much we both wanted to make it all work out. I couldn't make her happy and setting her free was the best thing I could do for her. Even if it did hurt the both of us. It's better this way though. I can't even make myself cheerful at the littlest things now. How was I going to maintain a happy relationship when I'm hell bent on giving myself nothing but punishment?It's so sad that I let someone break me like this. Causing my life to turn upside down and make me hate life as well as myself. I can't even believe in myself anymore. I've lost the desire to create and bring laughter to others. I can't.
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